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Have you ever had an issue in your life that comes at you from out of nowhere, that becomes huge in your life and it’s something you don’t understand, have never understood and nothing you have ever said or done has made a difference in resolving? That because of other people’s shit that you have no control over, those other people try and drag you down, make you and yours “bad guys”, control the narrative that most everyone else seems to believe while your protestations are looked at as lies at best or the protestations of someone with serious problems at worst? And worst of all, this all comes from family, who by the way are the only people in the world who think you are a liar with “issues”. Who has raised progeny who are also liars with “issues”. One of those progeny, who is at the center of the shitstorm started years ago, ten years to be exact, and who had to be reminded of what the “issue” was that never happened, at least not on his or my part, because it was TEN frickin’ years ago said, Mom, it’s projection. Always was, still is. Nothing you can do about it. You’ll never convince them they were mistaken, you’ll never convince them that telling them they’re mistaken is not the same as calling them liars, which they are by the way, happy to call you. It is ultimately their problem. All you can do is let it and them go. Wow. Wise words from someone twenty six years my junior. And you know what? He was and is right. I find that after the events of the past week I can finally just let it and them go. And OMG is that freeing. I think I thought I would be emotionally devastated, but the truth is, that by allowing someone else, anyone else to dictate so much drama and bullshit about me, to allow them to tell me what kind of person I am and how wrong I did things and to continually allow that by defending myself to them took so much emotional energy and so much out of me that by just realizing that I DON’T HAVE TO DEFEND MYSELF OR MY CHILDREN to ANYONE, family or otherwise, a huge burden was just lifted off of my soul. That doesn’t mean that I never want to see or speak to them again, although if I don’t, so be it. It just means that I will no longer put up with that horse shit. If they choose to respect that great. If not, oh well. I have finally realized that no matter how much you reason with or try to contort your behavior or be honest with or even love someone you are powerless to make them happy or see you as you are if they are not able or willing to do so. Their problem does not have to be mine. And it feels great. I feel so much lighter by choosing not to take on their shit as mine anymore. Now if I could just remember to do that with all the idiot drivers out there who make me crazy. And crazy is the word. Especially when I haven’t eaten all day and my blood sugar gets low. (I should know better). Ask the same wise son who got a face full of my middle finger that I was shoving toward the idiot driver and an earful of my loud and colorful language. His calm response? Mom, I think today is a stay at home day for you. Which made me laugh out loud and calm right down. He’s awesome. I’ve said from day one, I’ve learned more from my two boys than I’ll ever teach them. And I’m grateful for that and them. Have you ever allowed someone else’s perspective to dominate huge chunks of your life by letting them stomp all over your boundaries in the belief that you could make it all right if you just listened and conversed and defended? If not, what are your boundary defending strategies? I’d love to know, let me know in the comments!

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